Don’t say it, I know – sacrilege. And I totally agree. But it happened – I slightly annoyed Mary Berry. The actual Mary Berry. Queen of cakes, national treasure, everyone’s favourite. My favourite too, ffs!
How did I come to be in her presence? It was a work thing – she was launching her first range of cakes at Kensington Roof Gardens (if you haven’t been, go – in a nutshell, on a roof (obvs), there are cocktails and flamingos, real ones – what’s not to like?), and I was there to report on it.
It was a gloriously sunny afternoon. I had travelled up to London on the train and I was so excited that I had to have three wees on the way. (One was on the train – NEVER do that unless you really have to.)
The charming PRs that had arranged the whole afternoon greeted me at the door, (which I had to access via a reception, a lift, and a man with a headset on – this didn’t help with the excitement sitch.)
I was ushered outside and spotted Mary straight away. She was mingling effortlessly, smiling, chatting. She looked every bit as gorgeous and kind as she does on-screen, and as she approached me I did what I always do when I am a bit (a lot) over-excited – I gabbled in high pitched tones that only dogs can hear.
In this instance I was trying to be effusive but I only managed a few sentences before I launched straight in with: “Mary, please may I have a photo taken with you?”
What was I thinking? …Way to play it not cool. She politely replied: “I think there are official photographers here and we might be able to have one later.”
(That’s no, by the way.) I was then told in fairly firm tones by one of Mary’s ‘people’ that “Mary doesn’t do selfies.” Of course she doesn’t, it’s vulgar and intrusive and why did I even ask? I felt like a bit of a fool.
And THEN the other girl that happened to be standing with me, (who even WAS she?) looked at me with pitying eyes before (un)helpfully saying: “Oh dear, that was a bit embarrassing.”
The joke was on her though… We sat down for a (truly delicious) afternoon tea, which included Mary’s new cake range. Mary gave a speech, a lady with the best Welsh accent ever gave a speech, and then everyone once again stood and mingled.
And then it happened… There was Mary, standing alone, unguarded by her ‘people’. And I just thought, “***k it…I’ve already made a spectacle of myself, she’ll already remember me for all the wrong reasons, so I may as well try and get my blimmin’ photo. ”
And yannow what, I blurdy did… Mary is everything you would want and expect her to be and so much more. And with a wry smile, a shake of the head and a slight clenching of the teeth, she said: “Oh it’s you again! Go on, then…”
Thank you Mary. You are a legend.
What Alice did next... 